Post by ~*Ghoststar*~ on Jul 23, 2005 18:54:22 GMT -5
Ponies, pink, cheerleading, and french manicures. That's a small list of things that I don't like. A few other items are jocks, hip-hop, and ballet. You see, I'm not exactly what you would call a popular kid. I hate them too by the way. Im one of the out crowd. But to us we're always in, no matter if we're wearing stiletto heels, or high tops.
I remember when I first started hanging out with the ‘out' crowd. I changed my wardrobe and the way that I thought. Everything started to go right for once in my life. Except school. It all went downhill there.
"You got an F in science?!? How could you?" Ann, that's what I call my mother, screamed while not one foot from my ear.
"It's not that bad, Ann, other people have gotten worse."
"You're not other people though, are you?" I hated these conversations and was starting to get pissed.
"You know what? f**k off. Just because I'm your kid you think you can run my life? Well your wrong, maybe I have a good reason for getting bad grades."
She stared at me for a second, eyes burning with rage. Then it was over before it even began. I was against the wall holding my face and she was standing in front of me with her hand still raised.
"If you ever say that to me again, you'll hurt a lot more than you do now. If these grades don't get better, then your out. I've had enough of your smart mouth." As she turned and threw the report card on the kitchen table, I gave her the finger. She never found out.
My family is... wealthy, as some non-rich people might call it. Others may call it loaded or lucky as hell. And as I'm dragged from stuck-up party to stuck-up party, I wish that I was one of those non-rich people able to stay home with a family that actually liked them or go out with friends and have a good time. I was forbidden to do that. My parents hated my friends, and let them know it too. Once when my guy friend Jesse came over, my mother answered the door.
Knock knock. {And no, the next line isn't who's there} Someone was at the door and I was too lazy to get up and answer it. I heard my mother walking towards it in the black Chanel gown she was wearing for dinner that night. I heard her talk for a second with a voice that sounded male. Then she came in to get me. All while talking very loudly.
"Dear, there's some... goth looking person for you at the door." She had said it just loud enough for the guy to hear her too.
"Don't call me dear, and don't call them goth." And as she stormed away and I got up, I gave her the finger again.
Jesse was a perfect guy. He was tall, dark, and mysterious. Sometimes too mysterious. I'd had my eye on him since I'd first seen him in 7th grade. He was a year older.
"Hey, did your mom just say what I think she said?" He looked kinda hurt.
"Yeah, but don't mind her, she's always like that. A plain old pregnant dog."
He laughed. Seeming a little better.
"Anyway, you want to come hang at the Overlook with me and the guys?" He had a glint in his eyes that signified that more than just hanging out would be going on.
Taking a look over my shoulder to see if my mom was watching, I quickly thought about it. "Why not? I've got nothing better to do."
The Overlook was a cliff on the south side of town, it was high enough to see every building. High school kids hung out there all the time. It was a town tradition. I think everyone's been there. Except Ann. She would never go somewhere where she would have fun. That's just not her.
My first time at Overlook was when I was fourteen. Kylie, my ex-best friend, now turned preppy and cheerleader, took me. This was only my second time and I was fifteen.
"Ever been here before?" Jesse's voice yanked me back into reality.
"Oh, yeah I've been here before. Once...or twice." I lied.
"You ought to get out more. This place is great." We pulled into a spot under a huge Maple and parked. There were so many kids there. Even college kids from the neighboring town, Princeton.
"Move it!" I got out of the crappy Taurus that was Jesse's car. The aggressiveness in his voice unnerving me. Jesse immediately walked over to a group that was only college students. With us as the exception. They were all guys too.
"Whazup Jess my man?" The man who was later identified as Reggie.
"Not much dude. Hey, Jake, pass us a cold one." A cold one in his terminology was a six pack or beer. There seemed to be a trunk full behind this Jake dude.
"Take one Sweetheart." The pack was reached out to me. I took one. Even though I was underage, I still took it. And it changed my life forever. I drank it. Then I drank another one. And by the time it was time to leave, me and Jesse had made our way through two packs.
Staggering to the car I got in, a stupid move on my part. Jesse had had seven beers and me five. We hardly got out of the driveway without hitting a tree that was six feet off the road. But once we were on the road, it seemed fine.
"So Sweetheart, did you have fun? We gotta do it again sometime. I think there's another party next week. You gotta come." He was slurring his words, and by looking at him, he wasn't the dark, tall man I'd known before. He was better. Made better by me being drunk. We looked in each other's eyes for a moment, until I turned away, looking at the road in front of us. I looked back at him, he was still staring at me. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. Coming straight for us.
"Jesse, look out!" He tried to jerk the wheel the other way, but in his state of mind at that moment, he jerked it the wrong way. We went careening into the side of the new Porsche. Around me everything went black and the sound of metal crunching, glass breaking, and trees falling came down around me. Wait, there were no trees around. Then It stopped.
Memories of that night still haunt me. The pain and torment of the days afterwards too. My mother never forgave me for what happened, but then again how could she? My thoughts were interrupted my her screaming up the stairs at me.
"Melissa Lee Rodriguez! Get down here now."
I got up from my comfy chair next to the radio where I was listening to my favorite rock station.
"What? I'm busy!"
"Phone. If your damn music wasn't so loud, you would know that." She said pointing.
I picked up the phone and almost hung up right away.
"I'm getting paid big money to do this, so you better listen. Brad wants you to go to the Overlook tonight and told me to come and get you. Go get your nuts and I'll be right over." It was preppy little Kylie.
"If he want's me there so bad then why didn't he come get me himself?" This was typical of Brad but I just wanted to piss her of by making her repeat herself for the thousandth time.
"Because...and this is what the tenth time I'm saying this? Your mother won't let you do anything with Brad or any of your other gothic freak friends." I hung up on her then and there. She would still come to pick me up. She'd just be crabby. I went upstairs, turning the radio up once more, and got changed. I put on my bondage pants and a shirt with Jesse's old band on it. I hadn't worn that shirt in so long. Maybe I was finally over him. After all he'd done.
"Where are you going?" Ann demanded.
"I'm going o a movie with Kylie." I quickly lied. "She just called and asked."
"Well that's great. You need to start hanging out with people like her more often." I walked away, holding my tongue.
Ten minutes later, Kylie came up the drive in her new little BMW. As I got in the car she spoke. I hope that nobody sees you in my car, because I will never take you anywhere again if they do. Your type don't belong with my type."
I put my head on my hands and looked out the window, going back to my second time at the Overlook.
I was lying with Jesse in the backseat of his Taurus, making out with him. It was heaven. And he didn't even smell like beer!
It's time that you woke up Sweetheart." He ran his fingers through my freshly dyed hair.
"What?" I was confused and trying not to show it.
"Wake up."Then he was gone and I was alone. But I wasn't alone. My father was there.
"Listen to your mother dear. Take care of her,...and wake up." I didn't get it then. It wasn't making any sense at all. And then it started to come together. I wasn't in the backseat of some crappy old Taurus and my father wasn't next to me. I was in a starch white hospital bed. With only a nurse that wouldn't have given me the time of day.
"Good, your finally awake. I'll tell your mother." She got up and left. I reached up to comb my hair with my fingers like I always do when I first wake up. Except, there was no hair. Just sticky gauze. I looked around for a mirror or anything that might reflect and found a silver food tray on the table next to my bed. It looked as if the nurse had helped herself. Tossing the half eaten sandwich and empty milk carton that had been on the tray to the floor, I picked up the tray. Then I let out an earsplitting scream that brought at least a dozen nurses into my room.
"I'm bald! What happened to my hair, and why is this gauze bloody?" The nearest nurse, a nice looking African American came closer to my bed. Looking quite empathetic.
"Dear, you were in a car accident. Your head was split open in more than one spot so the doctor had to cut off all your hair and give you stitches." She put her hand on my shoulder and I pulled away.
"What about Jesse, and those people in the other car? What happened to them?" I knew what was coming, didn't want it to, but I knew.
"Honey, Jesse died in the crash. His neck was broken. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt so he went through the window and landed about five yards away." She cast a glance at one of the other nurses. A short blond chic with eyes as blue as the sky. "The people in the other car..., one of them died as well, the other only had to get stitches. The person who died, child,... was your father."
I couldn't believe it. My dad, the only one in my family that actually supported me, was dead. Because of my actions. And the trees falling, it wasn't trees, it was Jesse's neck breaking.
"Where is she? Where's my baby?" I could hear Ann frantically calling for me from down the hall. She came into the room and put her arms around me in a way she'd never done before.
"I'll leave you two alone." said the nurse that had told me the horrible news.
As soon as everyone had left the room, I threw mom's arms off me.
"I was so worried that you wouldn't make it. I love you honey. No matter how much we fight, no matter how much it seems that we hate each other, I know that we really love each other." Tears were streaming down her face.
"How could you act like this mother? You seem like a whole different person now, but I can see right through your little act. Dad is dead and all you can think about is us? You really are a pregnant dog." I was so disgusted at her. And me, come to think of it.
"You have the nerve to talk to me like that? After what you did last night? Our family is ruined now, because of you!" And with that she turned and walked out of the room. She didn't return.
I was released the next day. After the doctor said that I should be fine. He took the bandage off of my head and now I look like some monster. I called home, but no one answered. Then I called Jesse, and after two rings, his mother picked up.
"Hello?" I remembered then that Jesse had died. I stood there for a while at the pay phone, crying, until I heard her hang up, then I did the same.
I walked out of the hospital on my own. I would walk home. I needed to think. I walked by the grocer, the post office, and the school, when I heard a car pull up next to me and honk.
"Need a ride?" It was Brad. I'd only talked to him a few times and hardly knew him, but what the hell? What else could go wrong in my life?
I got in the car, he asked me where I lived, I told him. He asked about my head, I told him. Even when he didn't ask, I told him about my mother, my father, my life and how it was starting to suck. He just sat there and listened, taking it all in like a friend I'd had since the dawning of time.
"So, we've been sitting in front of your house for the past five minutes. You've told me your whole biography already. What now?"
"I guess I'll see you in school sometime. Thanks for the ride." and as I went to get out of the car, he leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the cheek.
"Good night." he said.
I watched him drive away and then walked into the house. It was raining now and I got soaked.
Ann didn't say anything when I walked into the house. I didn't either. Just walked up to my room to call my girl Jackie.
"What up girlfriend? You okay after your mishap the other day? I heard about Jesse and your dad. I feel horrible girl." I wasn't listening. I was thinking about what everyone was thinking. How could she have done that? they would say. What a heartless person.
"Hello? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
"Did they really shave your head?"
"Yes. I look horrible. And I have stitches all over. I look like Frankenstein." I involuntarily put my hand on my head.
"Well we gotta go get you a wig girlfriend. I'll be at your house in half an hour OK?" She hung up before I could answer.
"OK."
At the moment I'm seventeen. I'm a senior and have absolutely no clue what I'm gonna do with my life. It's been two years since the accident and I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
"Hello? I said we're here! Are you deaf?" Back to the past. Kylie was yelling at me. I got out and looked around. I saw the group of Jesse's homies. They pointed and whispered when I got out of he car. Ann grabbed my wrist and led me over to a different group. I knew no one there. Except for one person. A shadowy blond in the back. It was Brad.
"Hey, long time no see. You took off the wig finally. I like the way your hair is now. You should keep it that way."
My hair was now really short and spiked. It had grown in blond but I had quickly dyed it black again. I spiked it too.
"Have you ever...uh, you know, danced with the devil?"
I looked quizzically at him then understood. "No, but I'd love to try." He took me to a secluded spot behind some big trees and pulled a bag and hand mirror out of his pocket.
"This," he said, "is coke. Try." He held the mirror and showed me how. Then I copied.
You know how the first time you ever ride a really high, really fast roller coaster for the first time? At first you feel frightened, then nervous. But by the time it's over you feel great and exhilarated. Well, take that feeling, and multiply it by a hundred. That's how I felt after my first try.
I forgot everything. The past few months, the accident, and all the pain that I'd felt. Everything. And the best part is, I could maintain enough control to actually think. Not well, but I could still do it.
This isn't all of it either folks!! There might be more coming...if i can get it on this computer...
I remember when I first started hanging out with the ‘out' crowd. I changed my wardrobe and the way that I thought. Everything started to go right for once in my life. Except school. It all went downhill there.
"You got an F in science?!? How could you?" Ann, that's what I call my mother, screamed while not one foot from my ear.
"It's not that bad, Ann, other people have gotten worse."
"You're not other people though, are you?" I hated these conversations and was starting to get pissed.
"You know what? f**k off. Just because I'm your kid you think you can run my life? Well your wrong, maybe I have a good reason for getting bad grades."
She stared at me for a second, eyes burning with rage. Then it was over before it even began. I was against the wall holding my face and she was standing in front of me with her hand still raised.
"If you ever say that to me again, you'll hurt a lot more than you do now. If these grades don't get better, then your out. I've had enough of your smart mouth." As she turned and threw the report card on the kitchen table, I gave her the finger. She never found out.
My family is... wealthy, as some non-rich people might call it. Others may call it loaded or lucky as hell. And as I'm dragged from stuck-up party to stuck-up party, I wish that I was one of those non-rich people able to stay home with a family that actually liked them or go out with friends and have a good time. I was forbidden to do that. My parents hated my friends, and let them know it too. Once when my guy friend Jesse came over, my mother answered the door.
Knock knock. {And no, the next line isn't who's there} Someone was at the door and I was too lazy to get up and answer it. I heard my mother walking towards it in the black Chanel gown she was wearing for dinner that night. I heard her talk for a second with a voice that sounded male. Then she came in to get me. All while talking very loudly.
"Dear, there's some... goth looking person for you at the door." She had said it just loud enough for the guy to hear her too.
"Don't call me dear, and don't call them goth." And as she stormed away and I got up, I gave her the finger again.
Jesse was a perfect guy. He was tall, dark, and mysterious. Sometimes too mysterious. I'd had my eye on him since I'd first seen him in 7th grade. He was a year older.
"Hey, did your mom just say what I think she said?" He looked kinda hurt.
"Yeah, but don't mind her, she's always like that. A plain old pregnant dog."
He laughed. Seeming a little better.
"Anyway, you want to come hang at the Overlook with me and the guys?" He had a glint in his eyes that signified that more than just hanging out would be going on.
Taking a look over my shoulder to see if my mom was watching, I quickly thought about it. "Why not? I've got nothing better to do."
The Overlook was a cliff on the south side of town, it was high enough to see every building. High school kids hung out there all the time. It was a town tradition. I think everyone's been there. Except Ann. She would never go somewhere where she would have fun. That's just not her.
My first time at Overlook was when I was fourteen. Kylie, my ex-best friend, now turned preppy and cheerleader, took me. This was only my second time and I was fifteen.
"Ever been here before?" Jesse's voice yanked me back into reality.
"Oh, yeah I've been here before. Once...or twice." I lied.
"You ought to get out more. This place is great." We pulled into a spot under a huge Maple and parked. There were so many kids there. Even college kids from the neighboring town, Princeton.
"Move it!" I got out of the crappy Taurus that was Jesse's car. The aggressiveness in his voice unnerving me. Jesse immediately walked over to a group that was only college students. With us as the exception. They were all guys too.
"Whazup Jess my man?" The man who was later identified as Reggie.
"Not much dude. Hey, Jake, pass us a cold one." A cold one in his terminology was a six pack or beer. There seemed to be a trunk full behind this Jake dude.
"Take one Sweetheart." The pack was reached out to me. I took one. Even though I was underage, I still took it. And it changed my life forever. I drank it. Then I drank another one. And by the time it was time to leave, me and Jesse had made our way through two packs.
Staggering to the car I got in, a stupid move on my part. Jesse had had seven beers and me five. We hardly got out of the driveway without hitting a tree that was six feet off the road. But once we were on the road, it seemed fine.
"So Sweetheart, did you have fun? We gotta do it again sometime. I think there's another party next week. You gotta come." He was slurring his words, and by looking at him, he wasn't the dark, tall man I'd known before. He was better. Made better by me being drunk. We looked in each other's eyes for a moment, until I turned away, looking at the road in front of us. I looked back at him, he was still staring at me. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw it. Coming straight for us.
"Jesse, look out!" He tried to jerk the wheel the other way, but in his state of mind at that moment, he jerked it the wrong way. We went careening into the side of the new Porsche. Around me everything went black and the sound of metal crunching, glass breaking, and trees falling came down around me. Wait, there were no trees around. Then It stopped.
Memories of that night still haunt me. The pain and torment of the days afterwards too. My mother never forgave me for what happened, but then again how could she? My thoughts were interrupted my her screaming up the stairs at me.
"Melissa Lee Rodriguez! Get down here now."
I got up from my comfy chair next to the radio where I was listening to my favorite rock station.
"What? I'm busy!"
"Phone. If your damn music wasn't so loud, you would know that." She said pointing.
I picked up the phone and almost hung up right away.
"I'm getting paid big money to do this, so you better listen. Brad wants you to go to the Overlook tonight and told me to come and get you. Go get your nuts and I'll be right over." It was preppy little Kylie.
"If he want's me there so bad then why didn't he come get me himself?" This was typical of Brad but I just wanted to piss her of by making her repeat herself for the thousandth time.
"Because...and this is what the tenth time I'm saying this? Your mother won't let you do anything with Brad or any of your other gothic freak friends." I hung up on her then and there. She would still come to pick me up. She'd just be crabby. I went upstairs, turning the radio up once more, and got changed. I put on my bondage pants and a shirt with Jesse's old band on it. I hadn't worn that shirt in so long. Maybe I was finally over him. After all he'd done.
"Where are you going?" Ann demanded.
"I'm going o a movie with Kylie." I quickly lied. "She just called and asked."
"Well that's great. You need to start hanging out with people like her more often." I walked away, holding my tongue.
Ten minutes later, Kylie came up the drive in her new little BMW. As I got in the car she spoke. I hope that nobody sees you in my car, because I will never take you anywhere again if they do. Your type don't belong with my type."
I put my head on my hands and looked out the window, going back to my second time at the Overlook.
I was lying with Jesse in the backseat of his Taurus, making out with him. It was heaven. And he didn't even smell like beer!
It's time that you woke up Sweetheart." He ran his fingers through my freshly dyed hair.
"What?" I was confused and trying not to show it.
"Wake up."Then he was gone and I was alone. But I wasn't alone. My father was there.
"Listen to your mother dear. Take care of her,...and wake up." I didn't get it then. It wasn't making any sense at all. And then it started to come together. I wasn't in the backseat of some crappy old Taurus and my father wasn't next to me. I was in a starch white hospital bed. With only a nurse that wouldn't have given me the time of day.
"Good, your finally awake. I'll tell your mother." She got up and left. I reached up to comb my hair with my fingers like I always do when I first wake up. Except, there was no hair. Just sticky gauze. I looked around for a mirror or anything that might reflect and found a silver food tray on the table next to my bed. It looked as if the nurse had helped herself. Tossing the half eaten sandwich and empty milk carton that had been on the tray to the floor, I picked up the tray. Then I let out an earsplitting scream that brought at least a dozen nurses into my room.
"I'm bald! What happened to my hair, and why is this gauze bloody?" The nearest nurse, a nice looking African American came closer to my bed. Looking quite empathetic.
"Dear, you were in a car accident. Your head was split open in more than one spot so the doctor had to cut off all your hair and give you stitches." She put her hand on my shoulder and I pulled away.
"What about Jesse, and those people in the other car? What happened to them?" I knew what was coming, didn't want it to, but I knew.
"Honey, Jesse died in the crash. His neck was broken. He wasn't wearing a seatbelt so he went through the window and landed about five yards away." She cast a glance at one of the other nurses. A short blond chic with eyes as blue as the sky. "The people in the other car..., one of them died as well, the other only had to get stitches. The person who died, child,... was your father."
I couldn't believe it. My dad, the only one in my family that actually supported me, was dead. Because of my actions. And the trees falling, it wasn't trees, it was Jesse's neck breaking.
"Where is she? Where's my baby?" I could hear Ann frantically calling for me from down the hall. She came into the room and put her arms around me in a way she'd never done before.
"I'll leave you two alone." said the nurse that had told me the horrible news.
As soon as everyone had left the room, I threw mom's arms off me.
"I was so worried that you wouldn't make it. I love you honey. No matter how much we fight, no matter how much it seems that we hate each other, I know that we really love each other." Tears were streaming down her face.
"How could you act like this mother? You seem like a whole different person now, but I can see right through your little act. Dad is dead and all you can think about is us? You really are a pregnant dog." I was so disgusted at her. And me, come to think of it.
"You have the nerve to talk to me like that? After what you did last night? Our family is ruined now, because of you!" And with that she turned and walked out of the room. She didn't return.
I was released the next day. After the doctor said that I should be fine. He took the bandage off of my head and now I look like some monster. I called home, but no one answered. Then I called Jesse, and after two rings, his mother picked up.
"Hello?" I remembered then that Jesse had died. I stood there for a while at the pay phone, crying, until I heard her hang up, then I did the same.
I walked out of the hospital on my own. I would walk home. I needed to think. I walked by the grocer, the post office, and the school, when I heard a car pull up next to me and honk.
"Need a ride?" It was Brad. I'd only talked to him a few times and hardly knew him, but what the hell? What else could go wrong in my life?
I got in the car, he asked me where I lived, I told him. He asked about my head, I told him. Even when he didn't ask, I told him about my mother, my father, my life and how it was starting to suck. He just sat there and listened, taking it all in like a friend I'd had since the dawning of time.
"So, we've been sitting in front of your house for the past five minutes. You've told me your whole biography already. What now?"
"I guess I'll see you in school sometime. Thanks for the ride." and as I went to get out of the car, he leaned over and kissed me ever so gently on the cheek.
"Good night." he said.
I watched him drive away and then walked into the house. It was raining now and I got soaked.
Ann didn't say anything when I walked into the house. I didn't either. Just walked up to my room to call my girl Jackie.
"What up girlfriend? You okay after your mishap the other day? I heard about Jesse and your dad. I feel horrible girl." I wasn't listening. I was thinking about what everyone was thinking. How could she have done that? they would say. What a heartless person.
"Hello? Are you still there?"
"Yeah, I'm still here."
"Did they really shave your head?"
"Yes. I look horrible. And I have stitches all over. I look like Frankenstein." I involuntarily put my hand on my head.
"Well we gotta go get you a wig girlfriend. I'll be at your house in half an hour OK?" She hung up before I could answer.
"OK."
At the moment I'm seventeen. I'm a senior and have absolutely no clue what I'm gonna do with my life. It's been two years since the accident and I can still remember it like it was yesterday.
"Hello? I said we're here! Are you deaf?" Back to the past. Kylie was yelling at me. I got out and looked around. I saw the group of Jesse's homies. They pointed and whispered when I got out of he car. Ann grabbed my wrist and led me over to a different group. I knew no one there. Except for one person. A shadowy blond in the back. It was Brad.
"Hey, long time no see. You took off the wig finally. I like the way your hair is now. You should keep it that way."
My hair was now really short and spiked. It had grown in blond but I had quickly dyed it black again. I spiked it too.
"Have you ever...uh, you know, danced with the devil?"
I looked quizzically at him then understood. "No, but I'd love to try." He took me to a secluded spot behind some big trees and pulled a bag and hand mirror out of his pocket.
"This," he said, "is coke. Try." He held the mirror and showed me how. Then I copied.
You know how the first time you ever ride a really high, really fast roller coaster for the first time? At first you feel frightened, then nervous. But by the time it's over you feel great and exhilarated. Well, take that feeling, and multiply it by a hundred. That's how I felt after my first try.
I forgot everything. The past few months, the accident, and all the pain that I'd felt. Everything. And the best part is, I could maintain enough control to actually think. Not well, but I could still do it.
This isn't all of it either folks!! There might be more coming...if i can get it on this computer...
